Not that I ever was into that Qanon stuff, but the arguments he stated regarding certain people pushing that Qanon stuff, possibly working together with intelligence agencies, rendering it a psyop, sounds reasonable.
You need psychiatric help. Seek help please. There is assistance for cognitive dissonance and healing from a cult. You have been played, Q psy-op larp is over since December and no more will come. Trump is gone forever from power. Accept reality, it can be hard for you.